A little luxury goes a long way. Giving ourselves our yearly reprieve always surprises me as to how invigorating it is. Floating in a steaming mineral pool on a crisp January day, the grey Pacific crashing just feet away with snow covered Mt. Baker in the background, crystal clear. Inviting. Inspiring.
The enforced downtime creates a period of reflection. That we always take this time around my birthday always makes me grateful for getting the opportunity to have another skip around our nearest flaming, gaseous orb. As I age my birthdays become more precious, more symbolic, a chance for unbridled sentimentality. I’m truly grateful to my friends that stuck by me and saw something in myself that I couldn’t see and encouraged me to get my shit together. Encouraged is the wrong word; something much stronger. Something that involves multiple sit-downs and embarrassing phone calls to my parents; regardless here we all are and the relationships are stronger for it.
Because of those conversations and the ensuing years of internal work, I’ve come to a point of craving self actualization. Which is in itself a sign of how privileged I am. When the only thing I’m struggling with is the desire to fulfill my creative desires I know I must be doing something right. Which is hard to acknowledge in the day to day, it’s hard to see how fortunate I am when trapped in the mire of my mind. But stepping back I see the bills are paid, my housing secure, my fridge is full and although I find myself lacking some fine Japanese denim and leather (so good together!... Judas Priest anyone?) I’m happy with how I look and present myself. A far cry from mornings I was disappointed to have woken up, eyes fluttering open to reach for the blurry bottle of warm vodka beside my bed. It always ends with warm vodka for some reason.
Well read, well fed and full-bodied like the second flush of the finest Darjeeling, I consider myself a lucky man. I can continue to work on getting out of my own way, letting life, god or the universe do its thing and stop trying to force the issue. I can’t remember whether it was Deepak, Pema or Eckart, probably all three, but something they said about enjoying living as a human being, as opposed to a human doing resonates strongly with me and I look forward to exercising that muscle over the coming year.
I’d like to thank every one of you who has read my oversharing, drivel of a blog thus far. There is great power in sharing these thoughts for me and getting replies of resonance from y’all reminds me we are all in this tumbling cacophonous world together.
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